A few years ago I abused methamphetamine for about 8 months. I already had a history of delusions and paranoia before this as a young teen. I ended up believing a horrible thing had happened to a loved one that I could have stopped or was responsible for. It haunted me constantly because I didn't know if it was a delusion or I was actually remembering it happening.
The memory came in fragments and kept changing the more I thought about it. I ended up completley losing my mind and became so withdrawn, paranoid and depressed that I couldn't even funtion and was eventually forced to go to a pyschiatric hospital.
It still haunts me and keeps me up at nights because there is no one I can ask that would know if it actually happened or if it was just some sort of fabrication. It was years ago and since that time I haven't used any illegal drugs and I try to let it go, but its like I get flashbacks to this memory.
I also still occasionally have paranoia and false memories or delusions and don't remember important things people have told me and am absolutley certain it was not mentioned. It can also be the other way around where I'm convinced someone has said something that I've remembered later but it was never actually said at all and it seems like I've just made it up or that I'm lying but to me its a real, actual memory. No one so far can tell me what these things are. Can you believe a delusion so strongly that you can actually create a memory?
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